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4 ways to win friends…and business –

Just like me, you are selfish, so here’s four ways to turn it around and make people like you…

I read this great book during my holiday in Cyprus last week, called “How to win friends and influence people,” written by Dale Carneige. For those of you who haven’t heard of Dale Carneige, he was known as ‘the arch-priest of the art of making friends’, pioneered the development of personal business skills, self-confidence and motivational techniques. His books have sold tens of millions worldwide and, even in today’s changing climate, they remain as popular as ever. How to win friends and influence people was originally released all the way back in 1934, but most people have probably read the revised edition from 1981.

How to win friends and influence people teaches you the secret of how people function and desire to be treated. It tells you so much about yourself and how selfish you really are, no need to worry though, apparently everyone else you know is selfish as well, including me. From our own perspective, the sooner we realise how self centred people really are, the sooner we can turn things around and make it work in our favour.

If you are like me, and spend some spare time thinking or dreaming up how you might consider changing some aspects of your life for the better, then this book is a must for you. Dale Carneige, the author, actually believes his book is all you will ever need to become successful in life or business.

Here are just four subjects covered in the chapters of this insightful book, I wrote down some notes of what I thought the author was telling selfish old me…

• Four ways to make people like you:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people:
   I learnt that people are most certainly not really interested in me or what I do, unless it benefits them in some way. People simply feel that the world revolves around them. It is true (apparently) the other way around too, I may show an interest in people outwardly, but really I am just waiting to talk about myself. The answer apparently is for us to allow the other person to talk, and talk and talk more and feed from their egos, in a positive way of course. I think it gets at the fact that we can win the confidence of such people by understanding them, and in doing so have a better chance of winning their trust.
2. Smile:
   I know I am not a natural smiler, but one chapter in the book gives examples of how people act more kindly and friendly towards people if they train their mouth to curl upwards during communication and interaction with other people. Smiling makes us treat people better; it lifts our mood and makes people on the receiving end feel more positively about us.  One moody boss transformed his business this way and you can read how this now smiley, once grumpy person did it.
3. Remembering a person’s name is the most important thing:
   Has anyone ever spelt your name wrong, it’s quite irritating isn’t it? Or maybe someone forgets your name, when you thought they knew you well, OUCH; it makes you feel unimportant, doesn’t it?  Our names are so precious to us that nothing is so important. What if you could remember the name of someone you wouldn’t be expected to remember, and something else about them, wouldn’t it just flatter a person and boost their ego?  In business terms, it could mean that you win a contract from that person, not because you offer the best service or product, but because you spoke those precious words, their name.
4. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests:
   How many times have you been cut up and interrupted by a person whilst telling them something that is important to YOU? Maybe you were reliving your holiday, explaining a funny story involving you, or going through your life story? Admit it, if they were telling you their life history or spoke so affectionately about themselves, surely you would be bored out of your mind, so why do you feel so insulted when they stop you in your tracks? Imagine a world where someone not only listens to your life story, but does it without eyes glazing over and with questions to follow, what if you got the feeling that you could quiz them on what you said and be confident they knew all the answers, how great would you feel, having the focus all on YOU? Understanding people’s perspective and showing interest wins you a friend for life, the author made this sound as though this kind of attention to the art of listening is the key to success.

I actually learnt a lot from this book, despite the fact that the title on the front cover might have made me look, to my fellow holiday makers, like I needed to find more friends. I think I resonated with the content of the book because the philosophy of CreaseStream and my other company, Tech-ni-Fold, has always been about what our customers say and want. Fortunately I have never let pride guide me in developing a new solution, because I realise that what I want may not be the same as what our customers want (there is a chapter that explained this concept really well.)

Interestingly enough, before reading this book, I created a video to explain how a Funeral Director, who prints, creases and folds his own order of service cards, might save 50% of his time in guillotining his finished copies, and posted it on my website. We listened to his problem and developed a solution especially for him, and in doing so have helped two more companies do the same (something we didn’t plan for). I hope this is a good example to what this book is getting at. See the link below for the video itself……….